I'll admit that sometimes I operate in a state of denial. Although the calendar has clearly shown that the month is almost over, I'm still almost pretending it's July that is coming to an end. My time will soon be up and I will return to once again being a house guest instead of a house sitter. I will once again pack up my suite case and get on a plane (flying doesn't bother me it's the repacking I don't properly appreciate). How can the time have gone so quickly and yet I feel as if I've been here 6 months not 3? As a few people have commented to recently, "you've found a community, as you always do". I've just got my groove, a semi-routine, and things once again will change. I alluded to my preparations for re-entry into Western PA life in a previous post, but they're certainly becoming more thought-consuming (when I'm not in denial, of course). I still remember my re-entry struggles when returning from my semester abroad in Italy and from my year in Australia. You cannot truly prepare yourself as you never know what will have changed in your absence. Or, for that matter, what little things you might not have noticed had changed, had you been present. As I prepare to sing at church tomorrow morning my thoughts definitely drift to my church in PA; the possible new faces, the lack of some of the old ones, a certain Sparkle no longer able to make surprise appearances in my pew.
An email from one of the big bosses at work earlier in the week didn't help my feelings of restlessness and uncertainty about returning. The position to which I had sort of resigned myself to try, as it was the only option presented to me upon return, had apparently been offered to another candidate. Now it seems they want me to go back to doing Logistics for the client I managed before my departure for Australia in 2013. That piece of news certainly had me rethinking everything; at least my return to the US (I've still got 6 months on my visa) and my return to iDL. Of course a look at my bank account quickly reminded me that six months without a job, and plenty of travel expenses, made having any job so quickly after returning home a blessing. The ever-present struggle for contentment rears its ugly head again...
How should I fill my spare time when I return? I shed all my responsibilities before striking out on this new path, do I take them all back up again? As I think about the things which stir my heart, how do I put those God-given passions into use? Not long ago I wrote about the burden for refugees, and although I'd done some quick internet searches a couple years ago I never went beyond that initial information gathering. Pittsburgh has agencies that support immigrants and refugees, there's certainly no reason I couldn't potentially volunteer with them. So my baby-step towards accountability is blogging I suppose. When your thoughts stay in your head no one can call you on them or remind you that you've had no action on them. We're all busy, but what do we have to show for our busyness? I don't think I was incredibly idle or occupied with useless endeavours, but I think it is healthy to take an honest look at how you spend your time. A clean break from everything has made contending with that "honest look" a bit easier for me as I make my re-entry.
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