Moving halfway around the world is a bit terrifying when you contemplate doing it alone.
BUT, I don’t want to stay in PA because of fear. Fear of going alone, fear of not knowing anyone on the whole continent, fear of regret if I don’t go, fear of a lost reputation. I travel, that’s what I’m known for and that’s what I love – so if I don’t go, what does that mean? I also don’t want to go simply out of pride. I’ve told people I was planning on going and I don’t want to be that person who always talks big and never does anything. I told some friends about it a few weeks ago and one of them said, “oh she talks about moving overseas all the time and never does”. I’ll be honest, that hurt. And then I had to ask myself, do I really do that? Do I always talk about moving overseas and never move? I’ll admit that I talk about wanting to move overseas, but I never really had a plan to do it…. This time it feels different because I’ve sort of got a plan, a plan that doesn’t hinge on the job I’ve applied for 3 times and for which I am still technically waiting on a response.
It was so encouraging to have friends at prayer meeting last night asking God to give me wisdom as I try to decide whether He would have me go. That doors would open or close as He sees fit and that if He has bigger and better plans for me that I’d know it.... I’m just not sure I’d know what an open door from God feels like.
1. a movable, usually solid, barrier for opening and closing an entranceway, cupboard, cabinet, or the like, commonly turning on hinges or sliding in grooves.2. a doorway: to go through the door.
3. any means of approach, admittance, or access: the doors to learning.
4. any gateway marking an entrance or exit from one place or state to another: at heaven's door